My verdict is...

     I can see it now, standing in line waiting your turn. In awe with everything and everyone around you. When all of the sudden you hear a voice say, “Next.” You had just died today and are standing before God “Why should I let you into Heaven?” He asked. What would your response be?

     Some people would say, “It is by my good deeds I should be let into the Kingdom.” In the Bible it clearly states in Isaiah, “All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags...” Others might says, “Well, I was a good person or at least good enough to get into heaven” but that’s not how it works. Our “good enough” is not God’s standard of good enough, so in other words, we will never be able to truly measure up to Him. God does not judge us on how we, as humans, compare ourselves to other people, but rather He judges our sins. Another common reason may be, “I’m doing my best with the situation You have handed to me, so I believe You will let me into the Kingdom.” Just wondering, if you tried harder would that still erase your sins? Others may say. “I prayed to You that one time, don’t you remember?” Or God, “What about that one time I actually went to church and paid attention?” Many excuses, but God is only searching for one correct answer. “For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Matthew 7:14

      My response to this simple, but yet complicated question would be, “God, on Earth you did bring me a long way. You knew I was going to be rejected from the start, but you also knew the flip side of this and that I was going to be adopted. What do you expect? You are Omnipresent! You knew about the trials and tribulations I would have to conquer, before I could even begin imagining them. You put certain people in my life to show me how to love, and others that showed me what it means to be loved. I know my mistakes were many, but I tried my best to cope with what you gave me. I had many regrets and sins, yet through it all you were able to bring me hope, joy, and happiness. Most importantly, you made a way for eternal life for me.

     You are the ultimate Judge and you know what I have been through in the past. In the good and bad, I have asked for your guidance and wisdom. When I was selfish or prideful you taught me how to be humble. When I was short tempered you showed me patience. When I was jealous you gave me a sense of contentment. And when nothing went the way I wanted it to go, you showed me there was more to focus on in life than that one thing. God, you, have taught me to love the unlovable, and forgive the unforgivable. I have also learned your timing is the only timing that matters. You are the only one in control. My prayers may go unanswered, but I know you have a reason for it. I have been through struggles, but you have always been on the other side of it. I have learned you are the Alpha and Omega, beginning and end. You have been the best friend I never had and that I could always turn to. You kept me going day after day, because I knew I was eventually going to see you. God, you, made my life worth living.

      You may ask why I think you should let me into heaven and I simply have to say I have a love for you that I can’t describe, it’s beyond words. I thirst to know you better and a want and have a desire to learn more about you. In your Word, it says that you do not make mistakes and you do not break promises. You said there is a way out of the eternal death, pain, misery, and suffering, but it was only by confessing with out mouth Jesus is Lord and believing in out hearts that you raised Him from the dead, then we will be saved. You also said whoever believes in Him will have eternal life, and I believe in your Son. I trust that you will keep your word, even though I am a sinner that has only been saved by the grace and mercy that you gave me. I know do not deserve to be in Heaven with you, but you have made it possible so I could live with you forever. Do you except me?”

The Love of Christ

I can say with full confidence that I have never truly experienced the love of Christ until now. I thought I knew what his presence felt like, but I did not. I thought the people who I hung around were the best examples of Christ for me, but in reality they weren't. Frankly, they were not what I needed. I looked for the acceptance of others, hoping to find my place in this world. All I wanted to do was to please people so they would like me, the only problem was I tried to make my relationships by myself. I found myself getting hurt by the people I thought loved me over and over again. That way of life only satisfied me for a short amount of time before I realized my soul longed for more. I needed something that only God could provide for me, and that was love. Instead of searching for this love and acceptance by myself, I finally decided to turn to God for help because my relationships at that point were empty and falling apart. I prayed that God would place ONE person in my life that would accept me, for just me. Someone that would love me and would not judge my past or my future. Waiting, I believe, was the hardest part about that time. I have always envied other people's relationships, and I did even more at this point in my life.

Well, guess what?! We, as Christians, always underestimate God's power, and so did I. Instead of just one person, He has placed several people in my life that mean a lot to me. They have ALL shown me what the love of Christ is supposed to look like and it is amazing! To finally say you have people who love you and you trust is still beyond me. 

One lady that God has placed in my life will forever have a special place in my heart. Her smile and hugs are sometimes the only thing that gets me through the week. She is precious and so dear to me, and I love her more than she will ever know. God, I believe, was saving the best for last and I am so grateful for her. She is like another mother to me. I know for a while I felt hopeless and that no one cared. I felt lonely, but God was preparing this women in particular just for me. At that time, I did not know that there that I deserved better than I what I had and that there could be other people that would mean so much more to me than what I had. Sometimes we have to let go so God can reveal something even better. 

"I waited patiently for The Lord, he turned to me an heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

How did I treat others?

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I believe this quote contains a lot of truth and power within it. I can honestly say that many people have hurt me and the only thing I remember about them is the way I felt when I was around them. I don’t necessary remember why they made me feel that way it just happened, and even to this day that is the only thing that replays in my head about them. The words that cut me down, the words that brought pain. All the nights I cried, because I was informed that I was worthless and God did not have a plan for my life, those are the people I remember the most.

On the other hand, there have been a handful of people that have done the complete opposite. They showed my love, joy, and happiness. Feelings that I never wanted to let go of, but reality is life is not always going to be that way. Those people that showed me love, joy, and happiness have been taken away from me. They served there purpose in my life and then moved on. God took them away when I believed I needed the most, but I believe God did that to show me that I do not need man to survive. In some of my worst moments I had nobody, but it showed me that I only need Him. Truth is I don’t need anyone. Actually, I deserve nobody, yet God has blessed me beyond what I could ever imagined. He has placed people in my life that showed me pain, but also has shown me grace. The people that have impacted my life in a positive or negative way all have stepped into my life, then left. I have learned in the process that I cannot depend on man, because everyone will fall short, but my God wont.

There are a few people that come to mind when I first saw this quote, but in the scheme of things it won’t matter how I was treated by others, but rather how I treated others. What will really matters is what I did to impact someone’s life for Christ. I can either take that criticism from someone and hate them for it, or I can take it to change me for the better. Change myself to be more like Christ.

As Christians, we should, be asking Him for love, wisdom, grace, knowledge and understanding. Instead of reacting on our feelings and emotions, we should be reacting on what God says is true. Feelings and emotions are temporary, but God is NOT!

Heros do not wear capes, they wear dog tags.

About a month ago I asked someone in particular if they could write a letter to my sister. My sister is still currently in Navy boot camp, and if you don’t know much about the military these people live to see letters. The person I asked responded and said, “Possibly...I don’t really know her...” To be honest, that made me furious. I mean to me it doesn’t matter if you know the person, but even a few words of encouragement would have been better than nothing. My sister even stated in one letter that there were four or five other females that WANTED to receive a letter, because they had not gotten anything yet! But this person is not the only one out of many that cannot take a few minutes out of their day to encourage someone who is fighting for their freedom...

I believe many Americans take their freedom from granted. No, I KNOW many Americans take their freedom for granted. We are so caught up in our everyday lives that we don’t acknowledge the men and women that sacrifice their lives so we can just live. Why is that? Why do we worship celebrities like Miley Cyrus, yet never hear a word about a soldier in the news? Miley sure does become famous fast when she is nude, but what about those soldiers that die daily? You never hear a word...because we as Americans have everything backwards. Many look upon Miley as their hero, but I do not define her as a hero. No, way! I believe the men and women that wear combat boots to work everyday are the people we should be looking up at. Not some twenty year old slut that is looking for attention in all the wrong ways. And you wonder why sex trafficking is so atrocious these days. It is people like Miley who advertise their bodies as objects that cause the man’s mind to be all screwed up. Heck, in boot camp for the military if you hug the opposite sex they will keep you for two to three extra weeks and make you take sexual assault classes, because they don’t play around with that crap.

Now for me to get off my rant about what has been on my mind and tell you guys what God has been revealing to me. It is related to freedom, that is why I brought that topic up. I believe God gave each and everyone of us freewill. We can do and choice what we want to do with our lives because we are not just robots. I believe we tend to take our freewill for granted. Even Christians, I believe, push the boundaries of what the Bible says is right and what we tell our selves is right. We like to be conformed to this world, rather than be what God says we should be. Romans 6:1-2, “What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By NO means...” God clearly states that we should not take His grace for granted. That freewill comes with a price, called consequences. Consequences can either come with blessings or hurt, but no matter what God will forgive you. You just have to truly repent of your sins that you committed. I know, it is not always easy, but I do know it is always worth it.

For a while I had a grudge against the person who informed me that they were not going to write a letter to my sister. The fact is though, that person had already moved on with life and yet I was still stuck in the midst of what they had said. I was to the point where I felt as though my lack of faith was setting me back. So eventually I had to forgive myself for holding that grudge, but I also accept the apology that I was never going to receive from that person. We have to move on with life because it is not worth any ones time to dwell in the past.

"Love is not a fight, but it is worth fighting for."

This quote above has been on my mind recently. Many people are lead to believe what this quote is referring to a marriage, or a close relationship here on this Earth, and I do believe that this it can be applied to those situations.  But what if I said I was fighting for the love of someone that isn't on this planet? But rather the Creator of the Universe...God. I know personally, lately I have felt as though I cannot feels His presence anymore, and God just doesn't have a plan for my life. And through all these emotions I have seen my faith hindered and a wall that has formed between God and I. Even though I know these feelings in particular are lies, I still believe they are true.

I know for a fact I am not the only person feelings this way, as though God has abandoned me.  I believe in this day and age, we as Christians, have to fight the devil for that intimate relationship we want to have with God. With everything that happens in our world we tend to push God off until we have gotten to the point where we forgotten Him.

Have you heard the saying, "If Satan can`t keep you bad, he will make you busy." I believe even though we may believe we are "good Christians" we don't truly understand God, because we are so caught up on everything that is going on around us. What if we just stopped? Even for just a moment and listened to Him. What if we let go of our pride and just keep moving forward when things go wrong, instead of blaming God? What if we weren't so caught up in our own lives and noticed people around us? What if we embraced our freedom of religion? What if for once we changed things up instead of being stuck in a routine everyday? What if we forgave the people who needed it the most and let go of grudges instead of holding on? What if we just quit worrying and just gave it all to God?What if we stopped judging and started to help? What if we gave up temptations and the sin of this world?

What if...Christians did what they were called to do? Then would Christianity be different? Then would we know of  a love that is worth fighting for?

The past lingers on

Last night I was painstakingly reminded of my past. All the pain and memories that I have tried to cover up over the years came back. I have told myself that I do NOT ever want to return to that state of being again. My life was filled with resentment, hatred, emptiness, loneliness, and confusion. I was to the point where my feelings and emotions dictated everything I said and did. I remember feeling as though I could not escape it. It was like my whole body was engulfed by this perpetual pain. The emptiness inside of me kept creeping back and the misery I experienced was pure agony. All I wanted was for all the awful feelings to disappear, but the more I wanted to let go of it all, it only just seemed to get worse. There were some days I felt as though my existence did not matter anymore and God truly did not care. There were nights I would cry myself to sleep and wonder what God’s plan was through the situation. I convinced myself that I had no one to turn to, and I felt as though no one could understand what I was going through. Most days I just tried to ignore the pain, and kept a facade up so no one would know. Church at that time did not mean anything to me anymore either. I was at my all time low. I had this void within me that could not be filled and this numbness that could not be shaken. I even got to the point where I could not express my feelings. I was in desperate need of help, because I felt as though there was no point in living life anymore. That I believe was my breaking point, I just wanted to move on with life, but I felt that I couldn't. I felt stuck in the middle of this obstacle. So I had only one option, God. He was not my first choice, but I believe desperation is what brought me back to Him.

I feel as though many people are reminded of their past and they just don’t want to have to face it. I know for me last night, the actuality of the whole situation hit me in the face, because I realized that WAS my reality at one point. Was I proud of it? No. But last night I was also reminded that our pain in Jesus Christ has a purpose. He can turn the worse situation into the best. Ultimately, he knows the grand scheme of things and meaning behind what he has put you through.

I believe in our culture we are taught at a very young age to cover things up and to lie about what is truly going on in our lives. The devil has told us nobody cares or wants to help, and that is one of the biggest lies he has convinced us of. I know, personally, it took me almost three years before I had the courage to tell someone what was going on in my life. And let me tell you, it lifted a burden off of me once I did, because I finally knew someone could help me. That godly women, I believe, is the reason why I am alive today. If God had not placed her in my life, I might not be here typing. She was such an encourager for me and still is. So do not let anyone tell you that no one cares or your life is not worth living. The pain is only temporary, so just live one day at a time. Eventually, life will get better, I promise. I know God rather wants us to share our testimonies then ignore them, because what you may be going through might encourage someone else to keep living.

“My heart goes out to everyone who feels depressed, unworthy, ugly, not good enough, and emotions beyond explanation. We all have been there. Take one day at a time to realize you are here for a purpose and even though it might not be clear yet, don’t give up because life is one hell of a journey...good and bad. Your day will come. YOU are priceless, strong, and beautiful in every way, don’t give up just yet.” -Unknown

Failure is not a person, but only an event.

Today, disappointment was the first word I thought of after seeing the score on my first exam. After studying for days on end I was just wanting to receive a C, no more no less, but to my surprise I was blown away when I saw a F on the computer screen. I just wanted to cry, because that letter defined me as a student. A failure, yet I was far from that. I actually knew the material very well, but that one thing dictated what I supposedly knew, and according to the score it wasn’t much.

It was like a reality check to me that this new chapter in life is not going to be a breeze. And if I want to receive A's now I  have to work ever harder, because those A's I earned in the past is not who I am now. It humbled me in a way. I believe if we wanted to succeed as much as we failed on a day to day basis, this world would be a different place, especially for Christians. I began thinking about how I was so ashamed of this grade, and how that could relate to us, as Christians, when we sinned. What if when we sinned we felt guilty about it? Sadly, in this day and age many of us are numb to our sins, we are conformed to this world and we are repeatedly committing the same sin over and over again. Instead of feeling guilty and being humbled by our mistakes, this world actually has told us to be proud of our sins. The other day a guy told me his record for drinking cans of beer in one nights was 35. And he was not afraid to admit to it either, he acted as though it was a major accomplishment. I wanted to tell him that being proud of this addiction is not how God wants him to live his life, yet the truth is many of us are trapped into this lie. A lot of us are not even aware of this sin that is holding us back from God and everything He wants from us. Whether it be holding grudges against someone or gossiping, we do not realize it is a sin until it`s too late.

What would happen if we were so ashamed of our sins that we truly asked forgiveness from God every time we did something we knew was wrong and actually meant it? How do you believe God would react to us actually taking responsibility of our actions? What if we wanted to succeed for God in everything that we do? What if God was the only reason we stood against the sins of this world?

“When you want to succeed as much as you want to breathe, that's when you will be successful.”